Office Kiddie
by Gbaby808
Summary: When Roy is magicaly transformed into a child, things get pretty weird. Rated teen, because I have forgotten if i put coarse language in this, so just to be safe... Please comment and stuff!


It was a little after hours and Roy was signing a mountain of paperwork while waiting for Edward & Alphonse Elric to give him a report on the fabled "fountain of youth". he had gotten a very strange order from the Committee of Alchemists. (who are not real!) He was told to have someone investigate the fountain and bring back a sample. He was also ordered to test the water from the fountain himself. Since Roy was too busy, he sent the Elric brothers to get the water for him. He continued signing papers, as Riza continued to give him papers. They were the only two people in the building. Everyone else had gone home.

"The Elrics better get here soon." grumbled Roy.

"Be patient sir. I'm sure that they are on their way." said Riza. Moments later, Ed & Al came through the office doors.

"Were back, colonel." said Ed, standing in front of Roy's desk.

"So, how'd things go?" asked Roy.

"It turns out that the fountain of youth was more like the _canteen_ of youth." said Ed, a bit irritated. Al held up little bottle filled barely halfway with water.

"That's it? I was expecting more." said Roy. "Did you drink any of it?"

"No way! I don't know _how_ old this stuff is! I don't even know if it's safe to drink." scoffed Ed. He tossed the bottle to Roy, who caught it with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, I guess it's time to prove if this stuff is the real deal or just an idiotic hoax. Roy opened the bottle and drained it completely. "Hm. Not as bad as I thought it would be."

"Your still old. Heh. Guess it's fake after all!" said Ed.

"I'm just going to disregard that old comment, okay? Your dismissed." said Roy, slightly irritated. Ed & Al left the office, saying that they would be back tomorrow.

"So, the water from the fountain was supposed to change you into a child, inside and out?" asked Riza. "Temporarily, I mean."

"It was supposed to, but it's just some old bottle of tap water in reality." said Roy.

"I would have liked to see what your were like when you were little."

"Let's not go there lieutenant."

Roy had fallen asleep, so Riza left him alone for a while and took a little walk in the halls to stretch her legs. When she re-entered the office, she was shocked to find a little boy, napping in the colonel's chair. She looked a the boy, who she knew at an instant, was none other than Colonel Roy Mustang. Riza began to worry. _How long will this last? It is temporary, right? What if it isn't? What will happen to Roy? _All of these questions ran through Riza's mind. Then he woke up.

"Wow! That was a nice nap!" said Roy. "Huh? How'd I get here? Am I in dad's office again?" Then, Roy looked at Riza, who was looking at him, still a bit surprised. "Excuse me lady, but where are we?"

"Huh? Ummm…" Riza had no idea what to say to him! He was just a little kid. "Your in your dad's office, just like you said."

"Really? Why?"

"Uhhhh… Your parents are on a trip, so they left me in charge of you." Riza lied. "Yes. So they dropped you off and left."

"Oh well. They always go on dumb trips without telling me. But I'm used to it!" Roy was so innocent! He was so unlike his grown up self. "So, what's your name lady?"

"Riza."

"Okay! Hi Miss Riza. Do you know _my_ name?!" asked Roy.

"Your name is Roy Mustang."

"Yup! Proud of it!"

"How old are you, Roy?"

"I'm seven and a half!" Riza couldn't believe how much Roy changed from age 7 to age 29. Roy jumped out of the seat and went up to Riza. His uniform was drowning him!

"Why am I wearing this tent on me?! Oh, wait. It's a military uniform!"

"_Maybe we should do a little shopping…_" thought Riza.

Riza took Roy out and bought him some clothes that actually fit him. She also had bought him a box of crayons that he just _had_ to have. Afterwards, they had some diner. They ate out because Riza can't exactly cook… Well. Since Roy was only 7, Riza had no choice but to take him to her apartment. In her apartment, Riza got out an extra blanket, and set up the sofa for Roy to sleep on. Roy was playing with Black Hayate, while Riza figured out what to do. A few hours later, Roy fell asleep on the couch. Riza went to sleep afterwards. In the morning, Riza slowly woke up, to find Roy and Black Hayate at the foot of her bed.

"Good morning!" said Roy. Black Hayate barked happily. Roy was already dressed and ready to go. Riza got out of bed and got ready herself.

At work, Havoc, Furey, Breda and Falman were talking in the hallway, just outside of Roy's office. When they saw Riza, they greeted her. They were surprised to see a little boy holding on to her hand. Riza and Roy entered the office and closed the door. As soon as the door closed, the four men started talking excitedly.

"Who was that kid with Hawkeye?"

"Is he _her_ kid?"

"Lieutenant Hawkeye has a kid?"

"What if it _is _her kid?!"

"Did you guys notice that he looked an awful lot like the colonel?"

"What if _they_ had a kid?!"

"The colonel and lieutenant?! Ew! No way!"

"It could happen! I mean, those two do like each other."

"But not enough to have a _child_ together!"

"Who knows?!" At that moment, Riza came out of the office, wondering what all the noise was about.

"What's going on out here?" asked Riza, sternly. All of the men were afraid to say anything. Havoc, eventually got the courage to speak up and ask.

"Lieutenant. We were wondering who that child is! Is he your son?! If it is, why does he look like the colonel?! Did you two mess around or something?!" Havoc was a bit flustered. Riza looked at him as if he had gone insane.

"Do you men honestly think that I am a mother?!" The men nodded. "And you think that the colonel is the father?!!!!!" The men nodded again. "ARE YOU CRAZY!!!" The men hid behind Havoc and cowered at the lieutenant's angry outburst.

"Lieutenant. Just tell us the truth. Are we right or wrong. You can tell us." said Havoc.

"No Jean. He is not my son. He is not the colonel's son. He is not _our_ son."

"If not then who's son is he?" asked Furey.

"I'd tell you, but you won't believe me." sighed Riza.

"Tell us! We'll believe you." said Falman.

"Fine. He _is_ Roy, just younger. He drank some weird water and now he's a child." said Riza. The men just looked at her. They didn't believe her.

"'C'mon lieutenant! You having a child is way more believable than your story!" said Breda. Riza gave them her 'I'm not joking' face. They knew that she was serious.

"So, what's going to happen?" asked Furey.

"The effect is supposed to temporary, so just go along with it until he's back to normal." The men nodded. Everyone entered the office, following Riza.

"Roy. I want you to meet a few guys." said Riza, warmly.

"Okay." Roy was spinning in his office chair.

"This is Jean Havoc, Heymans Breda, Kain Furey, and Vato Falman. They'll be your best buddies during your stay. RIGHT GUYS?" Riza gave the men a quick glare. They all hastily agreed. If they said no, they could say hello to the business end of one of Riza's guns.

"Hey there chief! You need anything, let me know." said Havoc, giving Roy a big grin. Roy smiled.

"You can count on us, too!" said Furey. The others nodded their agreements.

"In fact, I have a favor to ask. I kinda gotta go, so…"

"What do ya need us to kid?" asked Havoc.

"No. You don't understand. I gotta _go_, go. Ya know?"

"Oh. You gotta go. Why didn't you say so. If ya gotta go, it's this way, kiddo. Whoa…" Havoc stopped to think about what he said. "Am I turning into a Dr. Seuss book or somthin'?" Havoc led Roy down the hall to the men's bathroom and waited outside. After Roy was finished, He led him back. Havoc and Breda hung out with Roy, while Riza, Falman and Furey finished up the work. Havoc was losing to Roy in a game of checkers.

"Hey, wait! You cheated!" said Havoc.

"Nuh uh. I played fair and square and won fair and square."

"Gotta agree with the kid. He's got some skills." said Breda.

"Traitor!" said Havoc, being a sore loser. Breda and Roy laughed. Riza came into the room.

"Lunch is in a couple of minutes. Are you hungry?" asked Riza. Roy nodded. The four of them went down to the cafeteria.

Riza was in the line with Roy, when Ed and Al arrived in the cafeteria. Ed looked at the kid with Riza with a perplexed expression on his face.

"Who's the kid with lieutenant Hawkeye?" asked Ed. "Hey. He kinda looks like the colonel… Wait! The lieutenant and colonel didn't…"

"No! Of course not! The lieutenant said something about him drinking some funky water and now he's an 7 year old." Said Havoc.

"Wow. So the water does work! Wait. Now _I_ get to call the colonel short!" said Ed, happily.

"You do know that he has the mind _and _body of himself at 7 years old?" asked Breda.

"Really? Wow. What is the colonel like as a kid?" asked Al.

"He's really nice. He was such a nice guy 'till we joined the military. Then he got all serious. I sometimes miss the old Roy." said Havoc. Roy and Riza say down with the guys.

"Oh, hello Edward, Alphonse." said Riza. The brothers looked at Roy. "I see that you've found out that the water worked." she added in a whisper.

"Hey there, kid. I'm Edward Elric, but you can call me Ed. This is my brother, Al." said Ed, gesturing to Al. Al gave Roy a shy wave. He didn't want to scare him.

"Wow. Your brother wears some neat armor!" said Roy. "You must be strong!" Al was surprised that a 7 year old wasn't afraid of him. As lunch ended, everyone went back to work. Havoc and Breda were still in charge of keeping Roy 'entertained'. Ed and Al also went along with it. When Havoc and Breda were called out by Riza, the three boys were left together. They were playing checkers, when Ed cheated.

"Hey! You cheated!"

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Liar!" Riza, Havoc and Breda could hear the arguing.

"Ow!!!!!" There was a flash of light. Riza walked in to find Edward in an alchemic wedgie. (Ed was being held by the underwear with alchemic material.) Havoc Breda came in laughing.

"HA! Fullmetal! Looks like little Roy gave you a wedgie!" laughed Havoc.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" growled Ed. "Owwww! Can someone get me down PLEASE?" Al got Ed down. Ed glared at Roy. Roy blew a raspberry at him.

"So, Roy. What else can you do with alchemy?" asked Havoc, expecting an answer with the words flame or fire or explosion in it.

"I can make fire blow up anywhere I want." said Roy. "Wanna see!"

"Maybe an other time." said Furey.

Later that day, Ed, Al & Roy were in the office, talking.

"So Al. Where's your Mama & Papa?" asked Roy.

"Our mom died a while ago. Our dad, who knows." replied Ed.

"Oh. Sorry. But at least you have Ed! I have a big brother too! I have a big sis too, but she's mean. Brother says that she's just cranky." Ed & Al laughed.

"I like you, shorty." said Ed, ruffling Roy's hair. Roy giggled. Everyone was liking the chibified Roy. They were all learning about a side of him deep inside of him.

That night, Riza took Roy home. He fell asleep immediately. Riza smiled as she looked at the person who would one day grow up to be a miniskirt loving, women dating, rank gaining, beer drinking dog of the military. Riza went to bed.

The next morning Riza went into the living room to check on Roy. He hadn't gotten up early like he did before. On the couch was a large bundle of blanket with a shock of dark hair sticking out at one end.

"Roy?" Roy began to toss the blanket off of himself. When Riza saw his face, she nearly laughed. Roy's eyes were still closed, as he untangled the blanket, when he suddenly stopped. He looked up, and screamed. Riza put her hand over her face as Roy jolted upright. He was standing in front of Riza, stark-naked…

"Lieutenant! What am I doing in your apartment?! And why am I nude?" said Roy, wrapping the blanket around his, uh, lower half and blushing.

"Well, sir, if it's any consolation, you have a very nice build." joked Riza.

"Not helping. Please get me some clothes!" Riza went and did just that. She laughed as he got dressed. "Now, Riza. Please explain." She did that too.

THE END

Authors note: Another story, finally finished after a very long time! Sorry if it got kind of pervy at the end. I liked making Roy a kid. I also had fun typing everyone's reactions to him. Everyone thought it was a "Roy + Riza child" equation. It was kind of cute how Roy was owning Havoc at checkers! Disclaimer time! I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. Fullmetal Alchemist and all related characters, places and terms are property of Hiromu Arakawa. The Committee of Alchemists and the canteen of youth are my property. Thanks for reading! Sorry if it sucked…


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